Monday, July 31, 2006

Why my boat is called LAND AHOY

Well it was a crisp fall day and having spent all day at the monkey festival, called the egret festival where we celebrate the return of the shit eating cowbirds called egrets and drink a lot, I decided dinner should be by sea instead of land. So I took my new 30 foot cobalt and twins that would push at 60+ mph. and decided to go to the nice yacht club(arrowhead) in duck creek about 15 miles away.

I was thinking it was more responsible to take the boat where there were no centerlines and most of all NO HYPOS!!!!!!! Having docked it by myself I strode up to the bar where there is always some lively talk and characters to keep me entertained while eating their excellent cuisine and, most of all, maintaining my considerable buzz with the best grey goose cosmos on the lake.

Just before deciding I should leave the bar and get to the boat (I was getting to the point where I wouldn't be able to untie let alone get on the boat) I saw this distinguished looking gentleman whom I didn't think I had met before. How I possibly remembered that I don't know cuz my speech was sounding like I had oatmeal in my mouth and I was trying to enunciate clearly.

This person was Pat St Clair owner of cobalt boats. I wrangled an introduction by joe harwood and proceeded to tell him how much I liked his boat except that it was hard to navigate at night. Being polite and probably wanting to get his tab he ignored my obvious speech impairment and suggested I get radar. I informed him I didn't have an arch to mount it on and he said they could solve that and put an arch on for me. I laughed and said I'll just follow the stars. I wasn't perceptive enough at this point to notice the roll in his eyes and the formidable look he gave Mr Harwood.

I then proceeded down to the docks. At arrowhead the docks are wide enough for golf carts which was to my advantage that evening. Getting untied I started idling out of duck when somebody passed me so I decided to showem that this cobalt could go with the big boys.

It was cool and absolutely flat so I had it trimmed up doing right at sixty and it was in no time before I rounded the last point and lined up the lights for my cove. There was dew on the windshield so I couldn't see out and it was too chilly to look over the top for any length of time. I was going a lot faster than usual so the normal 7 to ten minutes to cross to my cove took about 37 seconds.

The next thing I remember is a sudden loud noise and I was in weeds and grass as high as my boat. Feeling I might be lost I looked behind me and the water or bank was more than 30 feet away. I looked forward and there were these weird lights that appeared to be runway lights for an airport.

Being that my cove is beside the monkey island airport I started to realize I had overshot my cove and almost landed on the airport runway. Doing 60 wasn't a novel idea and a friend had almost done it the summer before. I was thinking this was pretty stupid and I could tell I wasn't gonna be back in the water tonight.

About this time lights started shining in my eyes and somebody yelled DOC(they call me that down here) are you ok? I was thinking man the hypos got here fast and where are they when you really needem. Luckily for me it was the airport manager who heard the crash and thought they had a plane wreck. Instead it was just me coming home in the now old cobalt.

While getting home this is the point where I realized a little Alka-Seltzer is not gonna help that feeling in the morning when I slowly wake and start to remember this incident. It far overshadows those drunken times when I said stupid shit. This time I actually said stupid shit to the owner of cobalt boats and then followed it up with stupid SHIT.

Well after a winter of repairs the next summer one stupid drunk friend got me a decal sticker with a name for my boat LAND AHOY.

Saturday, July 29, 2006

Ever wonder why stuff happens to you; well for our beloved father that question is his "daily mantra". How do I get myself into these situations?

Ever wake up after a fun night out on the town, then start to have flashbacks and think, "WHOA, did I....?

You stumble your way out of bed, survey who's at your house, make coffee, go thru your pockets, check your cell phones call logs(yes he has 2 cell phones), anything to gain insight into the previous night's events.

Well, if your a Doney, that frequents Monkey Island, Oklahoma (yes it does exist), the term is getting "Jacked".

Letterman has his top ten list, E!online has "the Incredible Life Of...", MTV has a show known as "Punked". The Marines have a slogan, "We do more before 8:00am than you do all day".

Well “Jack” has more thoughts and ideas running through his head in five minutes than most people are capable of or would ever dream of having in a lifetime.

Throw in the drama, text messaging and conversations on two phones, owning two successful medical practices, keeping up his social graces at the local watering holes and starting a new website, appropriately named “Fat Sheriff” and I'd say he is Living It--Large!

As the children of "Jack", we started this blog site to detail some of the highlights of his notorious escapades.

Disclaimer: He is NOT A ROLE MODEL and it is NOT Advisable to try this at home.

Parental Advisory: Some of the material may or most likely will contain explicit content.